1. |
I'm Fine
02:17
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Can’t see the wood for the fucking trees
Exist in a world where shadows follow me
No solitude in a false sense of security
Search for sobriety, it’s never been there for me
Am I dreaming or is it fucking grim reality
Bipolar borderlines carving up my sanity
All questions and answers fading before me
But I’m okay; yes I’m fine, echoes inside me
Post traumatic presence is all I see ahead
Robbed of sobriety better off dead
Chemical solution is a mirror of confusion
Conditioned patterns root foundation of illusion
But I’m okay; don’t worry a bit, cause I don’t feel so bad
Yes I’m fine, most of the time, the docs made sure of that
I only feel like killing myself more than I would admit
Can’t express my feelings; I’m such a hypocrite
But I’m okay; yes I’m fine
But I’m okay; yes I’m fine
But I’m okay; yes I’m fine
But I’m okay; yes I’m fine
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2. |
Veil
03:25
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I cut through life like a kitchen knife
I feel like living, yet I want to die
Vacancy fills my empty gaze
Living fully under the pressing haze
I can’t take this shit any longer
My body’s weak, my mind is gone
I can’t take this shit any longer
Is this what’s life or am I just wrong
Clutching the shards of my so called life
Feel my identity slowly subside
Cold sweat nightmares pound my mind
Wrist slashing impulse ends my strife
I feel it rise rising inside
Life won’t wait, nor shall I
Forced to observe what will be
Melancholy drives me to my knees
The clarity I see
Starts to become brittle
I feel it breaking off
Piece by piece
Revealing a veil that lays there
Underneath
It’s a veil that’s hanging over me
Basking me in its presence
A presence that won’t go away
Wherever I go
Following me
Shrouding me
Choking me
Until I grab the knife
And I cut myself free
I can’t take this shit any longer
My body’s weak, my mind is gone
I can’t take this shit any longer
If this is my life, where did I go wrong
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3. |
Razor's Edge
01:19
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Mirrored eyes stare back at me
Bleeding through reality
Off this surface I face the ledge
Cut through by the razor’s edge
Tension tension, sharper than a razors edge
Cut throat reality grinding me down
Mundane existence pushes me off the edge
Cut throat tension, sharper than a razors edge
Tension tension, fear engulfs me
Cut throat why won't it stop
Cry for help, yet no ones listenin
I'm left for dead, left to rot
Afraid of the thoughts that manifest in my head
So it’s no surprise that I am who I am
When all I face is a constant dysphoria
So I’ll slice through the skin, so I won’t think again
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4. |
Flounder
01:54
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Sometimes I could kick you just to see you move
But I'm not so sure that you're even worth it
Everything you say just has no value
Come and take my hand
Lets travel
To distant times and places
Or would you rather be
Left here to flounder
Like a piece of wood floating down the river
I thought of grabbing you, what would you do
Would you make the effort
Would you even try
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5. |
Negative Thoughts
02:15
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Sleepless nights of contemplation
Entangled in the nightmares that are haunting me
Find myself lost in a storm of indecision
As I try to reinforce my boundaries of reality
Thoughts
Negative thoughts
All of the time
These thoughts consume my mind
On my mind
All of the time
The thoughts that plague my mind
Tied and bound life’s beaten me down
Disaffection makes me so distraught
Fever pitched dopamine delirium
Sinks into the quicksand of my thoughts
The lust for life that I once owned
Slips through my fingers turning into sand
Lost in a furnace that’s raging inside
Negative thoughts have stamped out my pride
You beat me down
Life beats me down
Life beats me down
To the ground
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6. |
Waste
01:55
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Non-existent self-esteem, holds me captive
Is a self-fulfilling entity, I must face on my own
Gaze into my eyes, and see the scars from the past
Survival mode is the only thing that keeps me intact
So here i stand on the fringes of society
I dissasociate from reality
My lifes a prison that is ruled by apathy
A reflection of the past now pointed here at me
An empty life, incompetence that is all I see
The mirror turns upside down, shows me what is to be
I shriek of angst, am paralyzed, no meaning sets me free
I’m a waste of space
Fucking waste of life
What a waste of time
Fucking waste of life
What has life meant to me?
Waste of time is what it’s always been
I can’t escape, there’s nowhere to flee
Yet no meaning sets me free
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7. |
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Everything’s going my way
Everything’s going my way
Everything’s going my way
Everything’s going my way
I know I should be happy
Content with the way things are
I am where I wanted to be
Yet I don’t feel to be that far
Everything’s going my way
My way my way
Everything’s going my way
My way my way
Everything’s going my way
My way my way
Everything’s going my way
My way my way
I know I should be happy
But I can’t feel it
Content with the way things are
But I can’t manage
I am where I wanted to be
I know I should feel it
Yet I don’t feel to be that far
I cannot feel it
I still can’t feel it
I want to feel it
But I now I’m gone
No perspective in the bright
A lucid suicide
The rationality of mind should make it be alright
I keep living in the dim
My sombreness within
My sight is gettin cloudy from the things that lay
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8. |
Leave Me Alone
02:39
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What do you want from me
Leave me alone
Leave me fucking be
What do you want from me
What do you want from me
Why can't you leave me be
Everytime I turn a corner
You're there in front of me
What do you want from me
Leave me alone
You're draining all my energy
Get off my back
Leave me be
You alienate me from the affection of my loyalty
You try to fill me with all your discontent
Boxed in
Can't breathe
Can't see
Can't move
Boxed in
Can't breathe
Boxed in
Can't breathe
Can't see
Can't move
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9. |
No One
01:15
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I walk a tightrope searching for tomorrow
Hold on all my pain, while dragging all my sorrow
Fear of doing wrong, no trust in my abilities
Can’t say I’m surprised, with my state of instability
I hold on to what I can, not sure what this can bring me
Searching for what to become, yet nothing is fulfilling
Never met someone like me before
Can’t say I like it, no not at all
Please treat me like I treat myself
And push me away, push me to obscurity
I am no one going nowhere, have no voice, nothing to share
I am worthless, I’m so hateful
But I’m the one to blame for all my fucking pain
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10. |
Behind The Lids
05:53
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When I close my eyes
I see the things I thought I left behind
Moments, feelings, expunged from conscious psyche
Yet deeply rooted in subconscious mind
I deprive myself, myself of sleep
My mind gets manic, my body’s getting weak
An uphill battle, exhaustion draws near
It’s what’s behind the lids that I fear
Too scared to close my eyes
Experience what i left behind
Scared of what the night will bring
I never wanna sleep again
When i close my eyes
I see the things that lay there deep inside
Embittered from this life I live
Pain and hate is killing me inside
Lost in a storm thats raging inside
Disaffection makes me slip and slide
Night time paralysis it crawls up my spine
Behind the lids there's nowhere to hide
I’m too scared to close my eyes
To experience what I left behind
Too scared of what the night will bring
Afraid to fall in love again
I can’t sleep
Don't want to sleep
I can't sleep
Because of what's behind the lids
Lost in a storm
Behind the lids
Disaffection
Behind the lids
Night time paralysis
Behind the lids
Behind my lids
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Youth Deprivation Groningen, Netherlands
Songs about raw emotion.
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