1. |
I Deserve What I Get
03:11
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Overcome with strange euphoria
Guilt. Regret. Emotionally numbed
Yet I am not the victim of my own agony
I deserve what I get
When the actions I make
Don't reflect the words that I speak
Nor the feelings I feel
I don't deserve this life
Deprived of thought
Deprived of feeling
Getting emotionally numbed
I hate myself
For who I am
Yet I can't break this cycle
I lie to myself to make think that I'm right
To hide from my self hatred
But then when I hear myself talk
I wish I'd choke on my words and I'll never wake up
I deserve what I get
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2. |
These Walls I've Built
02:25
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Running blindly
Blindly in no direction
Screaming silently
Screaming silently inside myself
I can't tear down these walls
I can't tear down these walls
I've built
Searching frantically
Frantically for hope
Maelstrom of fear
Maelstrom of fear gnaws away at me
I can't run away, yet I'm running astray
The actions I have seem to all be the same
I've got no hope for it ever to change
But if I build high enough, then it might go away
I can't tear down these walls
- I can't tear down these walls
I can't tear down these walls
- I can't tear down these walls
I can't tear down these walls
- I can't run away, yet I'm running astray
It just won't go away
- The actions I have seem to all be the same
I can't tear down these walls
- I've got no hope for it ever to change
It just won't go away
- But if I build high enough, then it might go away
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3. |
They
03:12
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How can I feel when there's nothing's left
My head is entangled as I die from stress
In clouded vision I deceive myself
When I cannot see
That they are me
Maze of deception
Full of lies and deceit
Covert manouvers
From cold war beliefs
With sensory deprivation
They erase my mind
As I scream in solitude
They erase my life
They have the power
They observe my thoughts
As they toy with my mind
They're making me blind
I feel their grip tighten
With every breath
Sensory deprivation
No spirit left
Now they enslave me
And destroy my soul
I have no more meaning
I've lost control
How can I feel when there's nothing's left
My head is entangled as I die from stress
In clouded vision I deceive myself
When I cannot see
That they are me
How can I feel
- that they are me
I cannot see
- that they are me
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4. |
Switchboard
01:50
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Bend my circuits
Plug me in
Switch my mind
To bipolar chaos
Twist my mind
Fuck my brain
Deep inside
I know I'm insane
How can I expect to feel myself
When I don't even know these feelings I have
- Switch on
Fire me up
- Switch off
Plug me in
- Switch on
Up like a rocket
- Switch off
Down like a bomb
Depakine
Labillifi
These drugs you feed me
To stabilize
They don't work
They swallow me whole
Impulsive thoughts
Have lead to no control
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5. |
Running - Falling
02:20
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Running, falling
On the ground, crawling
Lying in the gutter
Knee deep in shit
Mind is in tatters
Soul is destroying
Need to end my life
Die with me now
- Trauma trauma anguish agony
Is this how life was meant to be
- Trauma trauma anguish agony
Relive these things I don't wanna see
Trauma trauma anguish agony
No lust in life, no not for me
It happens in front my very eyes
''No, I'm okay'' all wrapped in lies
Running, falling; there's one way down
I close my eyes and hit the ground
I gotta get out, gotta get away
Because I don't want to live this way
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6. |
Bedside Suicide
02:04
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As I awaken
Same cold damp place
Same state of mind
Same depressing head space
As I lay there in bed
Wondering what to do today
Too much to do
Fuck all to say
Laying in bed
No ambitions today
Too much to do
But nothing to say
Paralyzed, numbed
Minds gone to hell
If I stay here in bed
Then at least I won't kill myself
This time I'll stay
In my mind's decay
This will be the day
That I'll be throwing my life away
I am throwing my life away
- Bedside suicide
As I throw away the day
Flush my fucking life away
As I throw away the day
Just lay there and decay
As I throw away the day
Flush my fucking life away
As I throw away the day
No fucker's gonna miss me anyway
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7. |
Something's Gotta Give
05:59
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I feel sad
But I don't know why
I need help
I'll cure myself
'Cause I feel sad
But I won't give up
Things will get better
As I pick myself up from the ground
This fucked up life
Fucked up life I live
Something's gotta give
'Cause I feel sad
And I don't know why
I don't know why
I feel sad
And I don't know why
I refuse help
Life won't get much better than this
I feel sad
And I want to die
I won't get better
Drop myself down to the ground
This fucked up life
Fucked up life I live
Something's gotta give
'Cause I feel sad
And I don't know why
I don't know why
I feel sad
- I feel sad
And I don't know why
- Yes I do know why
I need help
- I don't need your help
I'm gonna cure myself
- I will kill myself
I feel sad
- I feel sad
But I won't give up
- Yes I will give up
I will get better
- Nothing will get better
Pick myself up from the ground
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Youth Deprivation Groningen, Netherlands
Songs about raw emotion.
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